Almost at the end

Today is day 59 (of 63). I'm almost at the end of another crazy round of Insanity. I'm nearly 15 months into my journey with Beachbody programs...and...ready to jump into a new one. Though I have no profound truths to share...I have no deep thoughts at all, really...I have a couple of observations.

1) I'm stronger this round than I've ever been. I walked into the bathroom after my workout last night and Reasa pointed to my arms and said, "Whoa, mom." :) My abs may never be what I want them to be, and I will never have petite, pretty arms, but my shoulders and my arms and my thighs are rock solid. I love that. Also, when Shaun T says "Level 3 Drills" this round, I say, "Bring it on," and only intersperse a few mean thoughts/unkind words along the way. I can do all 32 pushups in each set this week. Oh, it still hurts. But I can do it.

2) Though my nutrition has been better this month with the help of Paleo, it still isn't perfect. I absolutely can't completely give up my pastas and breads and treats. I want to. And most days I do so well. But after a couple of perfect days, I just break down. The pancakes I made the kids for breakfast yesterday. The brown rice for dinner on Monday. That darn buttercream that I have to have in the house for cakes!! I only eat a couple of bites of the "forbidden" foods...but I feel GUILT when I do. The thing is, I keep reminding myself why I'm doing Paleo. Not to lose weight, not to impress my friends (although...knowing that my fellow Paleo/Primal friends can see my food diary every day definitely motivates). I want to feel good. Live well. Live longer. Influence my kids. I think people fail at diets and nutrition plans and lifestyle changes because they try to drastically change something that is so ingrained in them all at once...and they wind up having a bad day, or slacking off, then giving up because they feel like if they can't follow the plan to the letter every single day, they might as well not follow it at all. I need to get to a place where I can let go of the guilt. This plan is important for me. High cholesterol, high triglycerides, high blood pressure, and Type II Diabetes run in my family...I won't let any of them be part of my life if I can control it. This is one of the ways I can try. (and maybe when the number on the scale hits my goal weight...that will be when I can let go of the guilt. :) )

3) I love the Paleo Diet. If you don't know what it is, the kindle app for your computer is free, and the kindle version of the book is less than $8 on Amazon. It's a quick, worthwhile read. It's hardcore. I totally agree. But...you might love it too. I think it even cleared up my skin. Not kidding.

4) I think my kids are so cool. Now, I realize this may seem to have nothing to do with Insanity or Nutrition...but we have had the most awesome conversations about health and nutrition and exercise as I've gone through this round (and they have even joined me in several of the workouts...they get bored (and worn out!) quickly, but it's fun to start them together). Someone asked me if I thought I was damaging my kids by being so conscious of my eating and exercise and by doing extreme workouts. I have to honestly say...no. I really don't. My kids are fortunate that they are naturally thin--as children. They are active and happy and healthy. I am grateful for the fact that we don't have to worry about the "let's be more careful about what you're eating or you might put on unwanted weight" conversations. But even skinny kids need to know what's healthy. Even skinny kids need to get good exercise. Because skinny kids can still turn into grown-ups who need to be careful about their weight. And on another note, my currently-skinny, approaching-teenage girls need to watch their mother make healthy, intentional choices about food and exercise...and be happy with her body. Not constantly struggling to lose weight. Not bashing herself every time she looks in the mirror. And not looking in the mirror all the time. If you ask my kids if I'm trying to lose weight, they'll tell you, "Nope. She just likes working out." I hope that carries over into their lives as well. My girl just walked through the kitchen and said, "Mom, I have already had three full servings of fruit today! I'm on my way to getting all of it!" :) Ok. So maybe we're all a little obsessed. But I can think of worse things...

5) 7 hours of sleep is like magic for me. I know some people need more and some people need less, and I can survive and function on less...but if I can get 7 hours...I can conquer anything. My eyes are brighter (literally. they're not bloodshot, no dark circles, etc.), I move better, I feel better, I accomplish more. I don't want to strangle my children (mostly), I can knock out a workout as soon as I crawl out of bed (and sometimes another one before dinner), my to-do list doesn't feel quite as daunting. I will admit that I don't like that I want to collapse at 11...but it's where I am right now. And when I'm in bed by 11:30, and working out by 6:30...those are good days.

6) My stomach...is my nemesis. I just don't honestly know if I will ever be truly happy with it. It's one of those things where I look in the mirror and sigh...and know that it's "fine," but hate that it's just going to be "fine." I know abs are made in the kitchen...I'm pretty sure I've said that in this blog probably 50 times already...but I truthfully just don't know if maybe this stuff I can pinch on my sides and in my lower stomach just won't go away without starving myself (which I won't) or having liposuction (which I also won't). Stupid. Inconsequential. Annoying. Moving on.

Insanity: The Asylum starts on Monday...two days after I run my very first Anything k...this one is an 8k. I don't care if I ever run anything ever again, but I'm doing this 8k just to be able to say I did it. I may not do it in under an hour. I may not make it without having to break a couple of times. I may not keep up with the group I'm running it with (woohoo Victory Worship Team!). But I'm going to do it. Then I'm going to rest all day Sunday...then I'm going to die on Monday. The plan is to stick pretty tightly to Paleo while I do the 30 days of Asylum...I'm looking at Shaun T's Get Shredded plan and thinking about incorporating it...I'll keep you posted. (I'm sure you're chomping at the bit)

Oh...and totally off-topic...my oldest is currently less than an inch shorter than me. That can't be possible.