I can't write. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just...can't write.
I'm not ignoring the blog, really. I open a new post screen every single day and just let it sit there. I just can't function in it. As I always remind myself...I am so going to regret this lapse. I always do.
In the meantime, thanks for checking in. I'll figure it out. I promise.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Where I am on My Fitness Journey
The past year has truly been a journey for me. During that time, the health/fitness/nutrition portion of my life has often been all-consuming...nearly all I have thought about from the moment I woke up until the moment I fall asleep. Some of this was absolutely a defense mechanism: much of my life felt so out of control, I grabbed on to something I could control. What I eat and what I do physically? Easy. What other people do? Not so easy. And trust me, friends, your remarks about "obsession" and "out of control" have not fallen on deaf ears. I'm just ignoring you. ;) I know I was. It was where I had to be for a little while. See? I didn't lapse into anorexia or work myself into exhaustion (that was everything else in my life.).
At certain times over the past year, I did this journey on autopilot. It became habit, and there just wasn't any question as to whether I would wake up and do it every day. At certain times, the nutrition/health portion, I ignored. Those times were fewer and farther between, but the past three months...that's where I have been. Blissfully ignoring it. I got all soap-boxy in January, then promptly let it slide. I put on 8 pounds in the first two months...yep, 8 pounds (and 8 pounds when you're 5'2"? Ouch.)...and even though I was working out every single day...I can't eat like it doesn't matter and think that an hour of working out a day is going to combat that. Interestingly, my actual calorie count went down. Significantly. Like from 2100 calories or so a day to somewhere around 1200. But the quality of those calories went to crap. At first, I ignored it. Passed it off as...water weight. Adding muscle. Needing a break. Winter weight. Ha. Two weeks ago, I took the bull by the horns and admitted the problem...and started the 2-day Beachbody fast...to remind myself of why I eat. I did something like this in January, but it had a very different feel--more of a cleanse. I need to think my mom for her participation in this fast--had she not been doing it with me, I totally would have caved. I lost somewhere around 4 pounds. Not necessarily my goal, but...it sure felt good. Over the month prior to that, I was also doing a P90X/Insanity hybrid which...just didn't cut it for me. Good workout, but not something I enjoyed completely...and a month into it, I looked in the mirror, and looked...not better. P90X the first two times I did it kicked my butt. Reminded me how it felt to be strong and fit and working hard. Now...Insanity is my workout. Makes me feel like I worked. Hard. It wears me out every day. So, last Monday I returned to Insanity (with my brother...who had the same issue with the hybrid. go figure)...this Monday, I jumped back into the Elite Nutrition plan...1800 calories...5 meals a day, 40% protein, 40% carbs, 20% fat. I've already dropped 2 pounds. Adding calories. And doing my favorite workout. Imagine that. 2 more pounds, and I'll be back where I love to be. And it's really not about the number...it's just where my body feels best...and I am happy when I'm there.
In all of this, I'm still realizing things. How it feels to be fit. How it feels when I slack. How the way I feel physically affects the way I approach life. Rewinding 14 months...I felt like garbage physically, and it reflected in my attitude, the way I carried myself, and how I handled each day. I can't imagine going through what I chose last fall without feeling good about my body and being where I was mentally. You can't feel like crap and wake up every morning and face stress and do it well. And not that I do every single day well, or that this is the only reason I am surviving the transitions...obviously not. But I know it contributes. It feels like a gift I was given...the opportunity to have something in my life in place before something else fell dramatically apart. ;)
Today is Cardio Recovery around here...which, if you've done Insanity, you know isn't really recovery... :) but that's why I love it. I'm hoping to throw in a little Fountain of Youth Yoga before the day is done too. But for right now, I have to run. It's almost time for Second Breakfast. I'm thinking a turkey/mushroom omelet and whole wheat toast with an apple. :) And first breakfast was a banana and a scrambled egg burrito with pepper jack cheese. :) Hooray for lots of yummy food!
At certain times over the past year, I did this journey on autopilot. It became habit, and there just wasn't any question as to whether I would wake up and do it every day. At certain times, the nutrition/health portion, I ignored. Those times were fewer and farther between, but the past three months...that's where I have been. Blissfully ignoring it. I got all soap-boxy in January, then promptly let it slide. I put on 8 pounds in the first two months...yep, 8 pounds (and 8 pounds when you're 5'2"? Ouch.)...and even though I was working out every single day...I can't eat like it doesn't matter and think that an hour of working out a day is going to combat that. Interestingly, my actual calorie count went down. Significantly. Like from 2100 calories or so a day to somewhere around 1200. But the quality of those calories went to crap. At first, I ignored it. Passed it off as...water weight. Adding muscle. Needing a break. Winter weight. Ha. Two weeks ago, I took the bull by the horns and admitted the problem...and started the 2-day Beachbody fast...to remind myself of why I eat. I did something like this in January, but it had a very different feel--more of a cleanse. I need to think my mom for her participation in this fast--had she not been doing it with me, I totally would have caved. I lost somewhere around 4 pounds. Not necessarily my goal, but...it sure felt good. Over the month prior to that, I was also doing a P90X/Insanity hybrid which...just didn't cut it for me. Good workout, but not something I enjoyed completely...and a month into it, I looked in the mirror, and looked...not better. P90X the first two times I did it kicked my butt. Reminded me how it felt to be strong and fit and working hard. Now...Insanity is my workout. Makes me feel like I worked. Hard. It wears me out every day. So, last Monday I returned to Insanity (with my brother...who had the same issue with the hybrid. go figure)...this Monday, I jumped back into the Elite Nutrition plan...1800 calories...5 meals a day, 40% protein, 40% carbs, 20% fat. I've already dropped 2 pounds. Adding calories. And doing my favorite workout. Imagine that. 2 more pounds, and I'll be back where I love to be. And it's really not about the number...it's just where my body feels best...and I am happy when I'm there.
In all of this, I'm still realizing things. How it feels to be fit. How it feels when I slack. How the way I feel physically affects the way I approach life. Rewinding 14 months...I felt like garbage physically, and it reflected in my attitude, the way I carried myself, and how I handled each day. I can't imagine going through what I chose last fall without feeling good about my body and being where I was mentally. You can't feel like crap and wake up every morning and face stress and do it well. And not that I do every single day well, or that this is the only reason I am surviving the transitions...obviously not. But I know it contributes. It feels like a gift I was given...the opportunity to have something in my life in place before something else fell dramatically apart. ;)
Today is Cardio Recovery around here...which, if you've done Insanity, you know isn't really recovery... :) but that's why I love it. I'm hoping to throw in a little Fountain of Youth Yoga before the day is done too. But for right now, I have to run. It's almost time for Second Breakfast. I'm thinking a turkey/mushroom omelet and whole wheat toast with an apple. :) And first breakfast was a banana and a scrambled egg burrito with pepper jack cheese. :) Hooray for lots of yummy food!
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Simple Woman's Daybook, Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Outside my window...rain. serious rain. and worms on the sidewalks.
I am thinking...about how wonderful it will be when the last box is unpacked, and the last piece of furniture is moved in.
I am thankful for ... the freedom to move at our own pace. being ahead of schedule with school.
I am wearing...light wash jeans, a turquoise, long-sleeved, v-neck wrap-style shirt.
I am remembering...how obnoxious this big red dog was six months ago...and realizing how charming she is now.
I am creating...a home.
I am going... to sit quietly for just a little while longer, then read to my kids.
I am reading...My Utmost for His Highest and the study guide. Again.
I am hoping... to figure out which books to keep and which books to toss, and to have the motivation to rehearse more music today.
On my mind...where I am. who I am. how to do this and do it well.
From the learning rooms... Astronomy. lots and lots of astronomy.
Noticing that... my children thrive in their own space. they are different here.
From the kitchen... the urge to bake. and cook. :) feels so good.
Around the house...chaos in the form of 12 boxes of books, 2 boxes of decorations, 3 boxes to go to good will, 2 boxes to go to my sisters, and a box in each of the kids rooms of decorative stuff. sigh.
One of my favorite things... organization.
Praying for...peace for my children.
A verse to share..."“For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.” - 2 Corinthians 5:14-15
A few plans for this week... unpacking. sorting. schooling. adjusting to Maisie for the week. singing a lot. snuggling my monkeys.
If you enjoy dwelling on the simple things in life and want to participate in this, CLICK HERE to read all about it and join us! Leave me a comment so I know to check out your blog to see your post!
I am thinking...about how wonderful it will be when the last box is unpacked, and the last piece of furniture is moved in.
I am thankful for ... the freedom to move at our own pace. being ahead of schedule with school.
I am wearing...light wash jeans, a turquoise, long-sleeved, v-neck wrap-style shirt.
I am remembering...how obnoxious this big red dog was six months ago...and realizing how charming she is now.
I am creating...a home.
I am going... to sit quietly for just a little while longer, then read to my kids.
I am reading...My Utmost for His Highest and the study guide. Again.
I am hoping... to figure out which books to keep and which books to toss, and to have the motivation to rehearse more music today.
On my mind...where I am. who I am. how to do this and do it well.
From the learning rooms... Astronomy. lots and lots of astronomy.
Noticing that... my children thrive in their own space. they are different here.
From the kitchen... the urge to bake. and cook. :) feels so good.
Around the house...chaos in the form of 12 boxes of books, 2 boxes of decorations, 3 boxes to go to good will, 2 boxes to go to my sisters, and a box in each of the kids rooms of decorative stuff. sigh.
One of my favorite things... organization.
Praying for...peace for my children.
A verse to share..."“For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.” - 2 Corinthians 5:14-15
A few plans for this week... unpacking. sorting. schooling. adjusting to Maisie for the week. singing a lot. snuggling my monkeys.
If you enjoy dwelling on the simple things in life and want to participate in this, CLICK HERE to read all about it and join us! Leave me a comment so I know to check out your blog to see your post!
Quick Catch Up
1. We moved.
2. We painted all but one of the rooms in the downstairs, and all but two of the rooms upstairs.
3. Awesome people helped me. My parents even took a week off work so that it could all get done at once. They are my heroes.
4. I upacked all of the boxes we moved in here in 2 days.
5. I got another load of boxes on day 7. They are not all upacked. They are all books and curriculum. I have too many books and too much curriculum. It makes my head swim
6. I have been perpetually exhausted since two Tuesdays ago.
7. My brother's appointment with the pulmonary specialist went very well. He is feeling much better--it looks like the pain may have been caused by a seerely pulled muscle. The nodule is something they're going to keep an eye on with low-dose CT scans over the next two years. Thank you so much for your prayers.
8. The kids were away for the first full weekend since we moved...and I survived. It was actually blissfully quiet. I accomplished so much.
9. We are dogsitting Maisie for the week. I love her. She has become the most amazing dog.
10. We have reached full-blown tweenagehood. Somebody stop this rollercoaster ride. Please.
11. Homes owned by 92-year-old blind women...should be professionally cleaned before anyone moves into them.
12. I have discarded somewhere around 65 ant traps, found in every single room in the house. And I have not yet cleaned the whole basement. Said ant traps were all dated in sharpie marker. The most recent date I found? 4/97.
13. Hissing radiators have an indescribable charm.
14. My upstairs bathroom has so much print on the walls, floor, and shower curtain that when I step out of the shower, I have an instant headache.
15. Spiced Pumpkin is a lovely color for my living room. It clashes furiously with the gold carpet, but I love it.
16. Anyone who tells you hieroglyphics on your yellow countertop isn't quaint...is lying.
17. When painting two of your sons walls To Die For Red, plan on two gallons of paint...and many, many coats of trim.
18. My sister is going to have a baby in probably the next week. :) He doesn't have a name yet. I can't wait to meet him.
2. We painted all but one of the rooms in the downstairs, and all but two of the rooms upstairs.
3. Awesome people helped me. My parents even took a week off work so that it could all get done at once. They are my heroes.
4. I upacked all of the boxes we moved in here in 2 days.
5. I got another load of boxes on day 7. They are not all upacked. They are all books and curriculum. I have too many books and too much curriculum. It makes my head swim
6. I have been perpetually exhausted since two Tuesdays ago.
7. My brother's appointment with the pulmonary specialist went very well. He is feeling much better--it looks like the pain may have been caused by a seerely pulled muscle. The nodule is something they're going to keep an eye on with low-dose CT scans over the next two years. Thank you so much for your prayers.
8. The kids were away for the first full weekend since we moved...and I survived. It was actually blissfully quiet. I accomplished so much.
9. We are dogsitting Maisie for the week. I love her. She has become the most amazing dog.
10. We have reached full-blown tweenagehood. Somebody stop this rollercoaster ride. Please.
11. Homes owned by 92-year-old blind women...should be professionally cleaned before anyone moves into them.
12. I have discarded somewhere around 65 ant traps, found in every single room in the house. And I have not yet cleaned the whole basement. Said ant traps were all dated in sharpie marker. The most recent date I found? 4/97.
13. Hissing radiators have an indescribable charm.
14. My upstairs bathroom has so much print on the walls, floor, and shower curtain that when I step out of the shower, I have an instant headache.
15. Spiced Pumpkin is a lovely color for my living room. It clashes furiously with the gold carpet, but I love it.
16. Anyone who tells you hieroglyphics on your yellow countertop isn't quaint...is lying.
17. When painting two of your sons walls To Die For Red, plan on two gallons of paint...and many, many coats of trim.
18. My sister is going to have a baby in probably the next week. :) He doesn't have a name yet. I can't wait to meet him.
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