I'm still surprised.

I don't know why, really, but I'm always surprised when something pops up that I actually sort of expected to happen along the way. The latest surprise smacked me in the face this morning when I decompressed with my kids from their weekend away.

We talked things through in such a civilized manner when I actually made the decision to leave. I packed my things. We had conversations about who would take/keep what, when the kids would visit, how we would do Christmas, who we would explain things to, how we would go about that process, who would pay the bills, what child support would look like. We didn't fight tooth and nail, we didn't involve lawyers and judges. We agreed. We wrote it down. We turned it over for legaleze drafting. We read it, fixed details, signed it, returned it.

It's been 11 months. Things change. I shouldn't be surprised.

But I still am.

The things that started out so civil don't stay that way over time. I don't know if feelings get hurt or realities set in or bitterness kicks back in over time or distance or realization or what actually happens...but civility slips away. Maybe it's just nature. Maybe when you stop thinking about it all the time you get lazy about what you said you would do. Maybe you just forget. I don't know.

My heart breaks for my kids, though. And I am reminded of how carefully I must use my words. They are worth a constant, vigilant, humble effort. I will put in that effort. I will not forget.