Where I am on My Fitness Journey

The past year has truly been a journey for me. During that time, the health/fitness/nutrition portion of my life has often been all-consuming...nearly all I have thought about from the moment I woke up until the moment I fall asleep. Some of this was absolutely a defense mechanism: much of my life felt so out of control, I grabbed on to something I could control. What I eat and what I do physically? Easy. What other people do? Not so easy. And trust me, friends, your remarks about "obsession" and "out of control" have not fallen on deaf ears. I'm just ignoring you. ;)  I know I was. It was where I had to be for a little while. See? I didn't lapse into anorexia or work myself into exhaustion (that was everything else in my life.).

At certain times over the past year, I did this journey on autopilot. It became habit, and there just wasn't any question as to whether I would wake up and do it every day. At certain times, the nutrition/health portion, I ignored. Those times were fewer and farther between, but the past three months...that's where I have been.  Blissfully ignoring it. I got all soap-boxy in January, then promptly let it slide. I put on 8 pounds in the first two months...yep, 8 pounds (and 8 pounds when you're 5'2"? Ouch.)...and even though I was working out every single day...I can't eat like it doesn't matter and think that an hour of working out a day is going to combat that. Interestingly, my actual calorie count went down. Significantly. Like from 2100 calories or so a day to somewhere around 1200. But the quality of those calories went to crap. At first, I ignored it. Passed it off as...water weight. Adding muscle. Needing a break. Winter weight. Ha. Two weeks ago, I took the bull by the horns and admitted the problem...and started the 2-day Beachbody fast...to remind myself of why I eat. I did something like this in January, but it had a very different feel--more of a cleanse. I need to think my mom for her participation in this fast--had she not been doing it with me, I totally would have caved. I lost somewhere around 4 pounds. Not necessarily my goal, but...it sure felt good. Over the month prior to that, I was also doing a P90X/Insanity hybrid which...just didn't cut it for me.  Good workout, but not something I enjoyed completely...and a month into it, I looked in the mirror, and looked...not better. P90X the first two times I did it kicked my butt. Reminded me how it felt to be strong and fit and working hard. Now...Insanity is my workout. Makes me feel like I worked. Hard. It wears me out every day. So, last Monday I returned to Insanity (with my brother...who had the same issue with the hybrid. go figure)...this Monday, I jumped back into the Elite Nutrition plan...1800 calories...5 meals a day, 40% protein, 40% carbs, 20% fat. I've already dropped 2 pounds. Adding calories. And doing my favorite workout. Imagine that. 2 more pounds, and I'll be back where I love to be. And it's really not about the number...it's just where my body feels best...and I am happy when I'm there.

In all of this, I'm still realizing things. How it feels to be fit. How it feels when I slack. How the way I feel physically affects the way I approach life. Rewinding 14 months...I felt like garbage physically, and it reflected in my attitude, the way I carried myself, and how I handled each day. I can't imagine going through what I chose last fall without feeling good about my body and being where I was mentally. You can't feel like crap and wake up every morning and face stress and do it well. And not that I do every single day well, or that this is the only reason I am surviving the transitions...obviously not. But I know it contributes. It feels like a gift I was given...the opportunity to have something in my life in place before something else fell dramatically apart. ;)

Today is Cardio Recovery around here...which, if you've done Insanity, you know isn't really recovery... :) but that's why I love it. I'm hoping to throw in a little Fountain of Youth Yoga before the day is done too. But for right now, I have to run. It's almost time for Second Breakfast.  I'm thinking a turkey/mushroom omelet and whole wheat toast with an apple. :) And first breakfast was a banana and a scrambled egg burrito with pepper jack cheese. :) Hooray for lots of yummy food!